


THE GREATEST BOOK OUT THERE: AUSMERICA ONESHOTS

by BotTot



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Animals, Cute, Fluffy Dogs, LATER, M/M, Mertalia, Randomness, Rare Pair, There's gonna be more, Uhm, Weirdness, Wingtalia, Yaoi, and a fluffy spider, and other things i'm forgetting to add, awesome that's what, duh - Freeform, horror movies, i'll add as i go along - Freeform, oneshots, what else, wtf even is Kyle and Alfred's relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:46:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9519308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BotTot/pseuds/BotTot
Summary: So, this is a re upload from wattpad so enjoyyyyalso Hetalia doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Himapapa





	1. Intro? What Intro?

Hey, this is AusMerica or Australia\America don't likey don't readey NOW ONTO THE SMUTTY SMUTNESS OH AND BTW THIS IS @JustYourAverageTrash AND @TsunderecAmour Sooo deal with it, now onto the OneShots! Ideas are accepted and greatly appreciated!


	2. 2 Day Business Trip - Fluff

"Don't worry, Alfie, I'll be back soon, it's just a couple days" Kyle said as he tried to pry the crying American from his leg. "B-But it's cold a-and dark without you here! You know how much I hate the dark! Please don't leave me all alone Kyle!!" Alfred sobbed out into the Australian's leg desperately, not wanting him to leave. Kyle tried one more time to get his lover to let go but even though he was young, he had a grip of steel, " Alfred, I have to go, it is only a few days, we can call each other every night and you can even leave the lights on, you're a big boy now, you can do it," the Australian chuckled slightly. Alfred looked up to Kyle and used his infamous 'hurt puppy eyes' in one final attempt to get Kyle to stay home with him. "Please..." Alfred pouted with a slight break in is voice. Kyle set down his suitcase and hugged Alfred, "It will be ok, I swear. You can even let your dogs sleep in the bed with you." Alfred sniffled into Kyle's neck and nodded. "Okay... But your stupid snake is staying in it's cage. I don't care if she's friendly, I ain't handlin' her!" Alfred said with a pointed look, knowing that his boyfriend handled his Woma Python at least twice every day. "Alright, if it makes you feel safer, she can stay in her cage. Now, I have to leave or I'll miss my flight, and you know how Arthur gets when we are late, that old man gets so mad I think he might have a heart attack." Kyle kissed Alfred lightly on the lips before standing up. Alfred gave a small snort at that. "If you think he'd have a heart attack at you bein' late, you shoulda seen him whenever I went out to the forest to climb trees and shit, that nearly killed the dude!" He laughed out, remembering when he had to force Arthur to complete bed rest for an entire day after he spent a night in the forest by his old house when he was 12. Kyle laughed too and headed to the door, "I'll call you when I land, it shouldn't take me to long, and remember, I lost my spider in here somewhere so if you see him, make sure to put him back in his cage. Don't need him scaring away random people walking down the sidewalk." Kyle smiled at Alfred before continuing, "I love you. Just remember, I'll be back in no time." Alfred smiled, "I love you too Kyle....wait, YOU'RE SPIDER GOT OUT OF IT'S DAMN CAGE?!" Alfred screeched at Kyle as the Australian dashed out the door with a laugh. When Kyle left Alfred grumbled about how if he found Kyle's damned spider he'd squash it and leave it to the scorpions in their backyard while going to grab some Takis from their chip cabinet. Alfred look around, just in case the large spider was waiting for the perfect time to strike, then grabbed the Takis and sitting down at the table before munching on them. One of his dogs, an Australian Shepherd/Corgi mix pranced in with her flower themed bandana around her neck and sat in front of Alfred, begging for some of his Takis. Alfred pulled out a few before holding his hand down in front of her, "Here ya go girl, there aren't many left but I guess you can have a few," He laughed slightly at the weird feeling of her nipping his fingers slightly, begging for some more. Alfred chuckled and reached in his bag and found that the rest of the spicy corn chips were gone. "Sorry Sheila, all gone." Sheila looked up to him and dug her nose into the bag, trying to find more chips she could devour. The American pulled the bag away before standing up, "Maybe we have some more in the pantry." He walked over to the small room with Sheila trailing behind. He pulled the door open and turned the light on before stepping inside, " Hmm...we have a few other chips but I don't see any mo-" He cut himself off with a screech at the sight of a huge spider sitting on top of a can of coffee. He ran out of the pantry, nearly tripping over Sheila and grabbed a fly swatter, not yet realizing that it was just Kyle's Bird-Eating tarantula, Chompers. Alfred started to swing the swatter around blindly while screaming, "DIEDIEDIE!!" Sheila was jumping around and barking at the multiple things getting knocked off the shelves and spilling all over. After about 3 minutes of his blind swatting, Alfred stopped and leaned on his knees, panting heavily. "Is it dead yet Sheila?..." He panted out tiredly and looked down at the excited dog and noticed Chompers in the corner. He immediately grabbed Sheila and ran out for dear life, screaming that he was going to kill Kyle when he got home. Alfred raced into the shared bedroom before locking the door and hiding under the covers, Sheila still in his arms, wagging her stubby tail and yipped at the panting American. " Welp, I guess this will be our fort for now, Sheila." Sheila licked his cheek happily and looked over at the door, her satellite dish ears twitching and scratching and whining could be heard at the door. Soon enough a golden paw and a brindle paw appeared under the door, begging to be let in. Alfred got up off the bed and unlocked the door so his other fuzzy buddies could come in. He looked around the hall way to make sure none of Kyle's other 'friends' were around. Pickles the Golden Retriever and Guy the Australian Shepherd puppy ran in and jumped on the bed, Guy using the steps placed there that Sheila normally used. Alfred shut the door and crawled back into the bed, making sure he didn't hurt any of the dogs by stepping on their paws or tails, "Good thing I have some food stashed under the bed, I don't think I've got any dog food under there but you guys can share with me." Pickles pawed at Alfred's leg before whining and jumped of the bed. "What's wrong bud?" Pickles whined and tried to dig under the desk sitting in the corner. "Do you need to use the bathroom? Is that it buddy?" Alfred asked from the bed, looking at Pickles curiously. Pickles whined more before rolling over. "...You got your ball stuck under their again, didn't you..." Pickles barked a little and clawed at the carpet, trying to get his favorite ball back from under the desk that had a Beta fish tank and a HP laptop. "Okay, okay, I'll get it. Just hold on and don't tear the carpet again." Alfred said as he carefully got up from the bed and reached under the oakwood desk, grabbing the brightly colored ball and giving it to Pickles. "There ya go dude!" Pickles wagged his tail and sat down, chewing on the rubber toy. Alfred stuck his hand in his pocket to get his phone but realized he didn't have it. "...Well...I guess I'll just have to wait until later to see if Kyle landed yet or not...." Alfred shrugged off any worries that started to cloud his mind. "Meh, he'll be fine. He's survived worse, hasn't he dudes?" He said with a smile and rubbed Guy's head as the small puppy tried to nip softly at his hand. Alfred giggled, "I don't regret buying you, you adorable little shit, you're too much like me not to love!" Guy barked and licked Alfred's cheek, jumping around slightly and almost falling off the bed. Alfred caught him before he fell. "Whoopsie daisy! Be careful, don't want ya to fall now do we?" He said with a small smile and held Guy up and kissed his head. The American hadn't noticed but it was starting to get darker outside, he was to caught up playing with his dogs to notice sooner. The moon was starting to shine brighter and stars were beginning to dot the sky. Alfred looked over towards his window and chuckled nervously. "It sure has gotten late huh?.... God I wish Kyle was here..." He let out an undignified squeak when he heard their closet creak open. "GHOST!" He darted under the covers in fear and peeked his head out, only to not see anything out of the ordinary. Alfred looked around the room, trying to find the TV remote to maybe light up the darkening room. "Oh god, don't tell me I lost it already!" Pickles unceremoniously flopped onto Alfred's stomach, effectively knocking the breath out of him. "Jesus christ you've gotten heavier Pickles..." He gasped out with a small groan. Pickles nearly crushed the poor guy again by shifting into his side and barked. Alfred looked down at his large dog with an exasperated expression on his face. "Dog, you are heavy, get off me!" He tried shoving Pickles off of him but that only made Pickles shift more on him until he finally just gave up and let Pickles stay on his stomach. "Maybe I should take you for a walk more often, I think it would do us some good." Pickles snorted and look at Alfred with an annoyed look, daring him to try. The dog was very stubborn at times and would just flop over, refusing to move when forced to go on a walk. "Don't try me Pickles! I will make you go on a walk tomorrow! And maybe if you behave like a good boy I'll give you a treat!~" Alfred said, trying to bribe his dog into agreeing with him but that only resulted in four perked ears at the mention of a treat and both Sheila and Guy started licking and sniffing his hands, looking for treats. Alfred sighed and shook his head, "Maybe Kyle is right, I feed y'all too much, you've become addicted to food." He laughed a little and pat the dog's heads. After about 15 minutes later, his laptop started ringing and Kyle's name and Skype Name popped up on the screen. Alfred looked over to the laptop and tried to move his dogs off of him so he could go and answer the Skype call. After getting the heavy dogs off him, he headed towards the laptop and opened the Skype call. He smiled as his boyfriend popped up on screen. "Hey Ky! How was your flight?" The Australian sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, " It wasn't so bad but some guy behind me kept talking and wouldn't let me get any sleep, I can see he was excited but after a while, he got very annoying." Alfred scrunched up his nose at that. "That's gotta suck, but I'd honestly prefer that than a child repeatedly kicking the back of my seat with his mother and or father not doing shit." Kyle laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I guess that it could have been worse, anyways, how are you holding up?" Alfred looked away sheepishly. "Eh, if your dang spider wasn't in the pantry I would have been a lot better! But thanks to Chompers, I locked myself in our room with the dogs." Kyle laughed and shook his head, " I told you,he won't hurt you, he is as friendly as the dogs! He just needs some cuddling!" Alfred looked at him with a blank expression. "He is literally the size of my hand and I'm sure as hell ain't cuddlin' that thing you jackass. Oh, how long has Chompers been out of his cage? I need to know how long you're sleeping on the couch when you get home." Kyle pouted, "But I told him he could walk around as long as he went back to his cage! I'm sure he just forgot... But I guess it's been a couple three days.." "Kyle, he is a damned spider! He doesn't understand English and couch for 5 days." Alfred stated with an expression that said, 'Don't argue with me unless you want the punishment to last longer'. Kyle pouted more but nodded and sighed, "Ok.. but can I let Chompers sleep with me? He probably needs some loving after those long, cold days out all alone in the house." Alfred sighed. "Fine, but if I find Chompers on my pillow when I wake up I won't hesitate to leave him for the scorpions." Kyle made a horrified face and gasped " B-But he can't fend for himself! He isn't used to the wild! He might not make it!" "Either keep the spider away from me or bye bye goes Itsy Bitsy Spider." Alfred said and oofed when Pickles jumped up on his lap. "Damn dog..." The Australian laughed and said, "Hey, Mate! How are ya doing? Are you protecting my little Alfred for me?" Pickles yipped and tried licking the screen. Alfred chuckled and pat Pickles' head. "Oi! I'm not little!" He said to the screen, sticking out his tongue playfully. Kyle grinned and playfully said back, "You better stick your tongue back in your mouth, a bird might poop on it." Kyle laughed some more and sat back farther into his chair. "And you know from experience, don't ya Ky?" Alfred said teasingly, referring to the time when they went to the beach and Kyle stuck out his tongue, only to have a seagull poop on it and steal the Australian's ice-cream. Kyle blushed and looked away, "Damn bird... what did I ever do to him." He shook his head at the memory of having the taste of bird poop in his mouth for weeks. It was not fun. Alfred laughed at Kyle's blushing face, the American didn't kiss Kyle until he was certain the taste was out of his mouth. "Don't know, but it's a Gull and that's what Gulls do. Be utter assholes to humans!" Alfred said with another laugh. Kyle smiled at the cute sound of his boyfriend's laugh, he really did miss Alfred already. " I miss you, Al.." Kyle said with a sad tone. Alfred frowned a little bit. "I miss you too Ky.." He said with a somber expression. " But hey, it's only a couple days, we can hold out until then? Right?" Kyle said, trying to be optimistic. Alfred smiled a bit. "Yeah, you crazy Aussie." Alfred said with a small smirk, trying to bring back the happy mood from before. "Do you want to know what Iggy did when I first got to the airport?" Kyle said, hoping to cheer Alfred up. Alfred chuckled. "Oh my god, tell me!" Kyle laughed and started to explain, "I got off the plane and the first thing I heard was 'You wanker! What took you so long!?! I was waiting for at least half an hour!' I was already getting annoyed with him, but then he tried to make me eat his scones!" Alfred gagged at that and Pickles whined and rubbed his muzzle on the carpet, remembering the horrid stench of beyond burning dough. "Jesus Christ, he didn't force ya did he? I don't want a sick boyfriend when you come home.." Alfred said with a partially worried expression. ❤•°*~ Time skip of laziness ~°•* ❤ Alfred just got done wiping off the counter when his stomach growled. He threw the washcloth onto the chair before walking over to the pantry to see what he could find. Alfred rummaged through the pantry, trying to ignore Chompers on the rice bag, and grabbed some coffee beans, sugar, flour, maraschino cherries, and cake batter. He decided that he'd make some coffee cherry cupcakes for Kyle when he got home and set all the ingredients on the counter. He went over to one of the cupboards and grabbed out a bowl and set it on the counter by the ingredients. He opened up a drawer and grabbed out some measuring cups. He hummed a little song as he measured all the ingredients , replacing the water with the cherry juice and soon decided that it was too quiet, so he grabbed his phone and put his playlist on random and hummed along to one of the songs. He started swaying his hips a little, dancing along to a catchy song as he mixed the ingredients into the bowl. Alfred almost dropped the bowl but caught it before the contents spilt all over. "Oh shit! ...Thank god I caught that, I don't feel like cleaning up that kind of mess today!" He said with a small laugh and soon heard one of his favorite songs come on, Rap God by Eminem, and smiled as he started rapping along to it. He was surprisingly nailing every word and sounding decent, and kept up with the song as it got faster. Before long, he was having a full out dancing and singing session, sliding across the floor as he rapped. "You're like normal, fuck being normal. And I just bought a new Raygun from the future, to just come and shoot ya like when Fabolous made Ray J mad. 'Cause Fab said he looked like a fag at Maywhether's pad, singin' to a man while they played piano. Man, oh man, that was a 24/7 special on the cable channel, so Ray J went straight to the radio station the very next day. 'Hey, Fab, I'mma kill you', lyrics coming at you at supersonic speed~" He rapped out, unaware of the Australian watching from the living room since the kitchen and living room were basically connected. Kyle watched for a few more seconds before walking into view of the American while clapping, "I didn't know you could rap so well! I would have asked you to rap for me sooner!" Alfred stopped and stared at Kyle for a second, a stunned look on his face before blushing. "Uh... H-how long have you been standing there exactly?..." Alfred asked nervously, he was pretty shy when it came to him singing in front of people, or in this case rapping, and looked away bashfully, avoiding Kyle's gaze. "Aw, not too long,and don't be so shy! You have a very good voice," the Australian walked closer to Alfred and wrapped his arm around the other and kissed his cheek. Alfred looked over to the grinning Aussie and blushed harder. "I don't have a good voice... And I can be as shy as I want!" He said with a small pout. "Also, you missed, idiot." He sweetly pecked Kyle's lips and walked off, completely forgetting about the mistletoe he hung up in the archway that separated the living room and the kitchen.


	3. Christmas Special

"Kyle! Put on some Christmas music! Please!" Alfred begged with his puppy dog eyes, he knew Kyle /or anyone else for that matter/ wasn't into Christmas as much as he was, but he really wanted to do something special with Kyle on Christmas Eve. Kyle sighed but got up from his comfy chair and walked towards the bookshelf that had all the CDs, "Which one do ya want? " There had to be at least twenty of them. "Uhhh..... Just go for the Santa pack pleeeaaasssee!" Alfred said with a bright and cheery smile fit for the Christmas cheer he shared every year without fail. Kyle shook his head but started to dig for the CD, after almost having all the CDs fall, he found the one that got used the most. Alfred bounded over to his record player he's kept since the early 1900's and got it to start playing when he got the CD out of Kyle's hand. "Thank you Sugar Plum~" He thanked with a kiss to the Aussie's cheek and ran over to place the CD into the record player. 

After it was all set, the sound of Christmas music sounded throughout the house, " Isn't this great, Kyle? All the music and pretty lights?" The Australian smiled even though he was fed up with all the Christmas stuff all over. "Yeah, I guess. If it makes you happy." Kyle said as he brought Alfred close to him to start dancing like the dorks they were. Alfred smiled and rested his head against Kyle's chest, " I'm glad we can do this together, ya know, find a medium we both can enjoy." Kyle hummed and placed his head on Alfred's as they started rocking side to side. "Yeah, but no one will ever be as crazy as you when it comes to this holiday~" He teased a little and kissed the top of Alfred's head sweetly. 

Alfred giggled and nuzzled his boyfriend's buff chest as a sign of affection, "And no one will ever be as crazy as you~" Kyle chuckled. "I don't know, would anyone else give out Pokemon dildos and condoms for Christmas~" He said, referring to last year's Christmas where he sent everyone /of legal age of course/ a set of Pokemon dildos and condoms as a complete crack gift and for his own amusement. " I don't think I know anyone who would send kangaroo balls to people, either. " Alfred grinned and laughed slightly at imagining Arthur's face when he sees what his brother sent him.

Kyle laughed a little. "Whaatt, it gives the inexperienced a chance to practice!~" He said with an amused smirk, already getting ready to laugh at the American's reaction. Alfred had to think about what Kyle said before shaking his head, " I sometimes worry about your sanity. " Alfred moved closer to Kyle and got more relaxed. "What sanity? I don't even know what that word means!" Kyle chuckled out and wrapped his arms around Alfred's waist so they'd be more comfortable in this position. 

The American smiled and shifted slightly, " And that's what I love about you." He leaned up and kissed Kyle's cheek softly. The Aussie smiled and kissed Alfred's lightly freckled cheeks in turn. "That's all you love about me? Just cause I don't know what a word means?~" He lightly teased the other. Alfred laughed, " I don't know, you are pretty ugly too." He teased back, smirking up at the other, " With those cute cow licks and muscles, who would ever want to date you~?" "Apparently, you do~ You've dated me for quite sometime sir, so I believe that you don't think I'm ugly at all~" Kyle teased back and slipped his hands into Alfred's back pockets and gave his ass a tiny squeeze. "Plus who'd want to date an adorable little shit with the cutest freckles and pudge?~" 

This made Alfred blush brightly, " I don't know, but I guess the man who considers spiders 'cute' must have pretty low standards~" "You consider fish cute so look who's talking~" Kyle smirked brought Alfred a little closer with his statement. "They are cute, you just don't know what is and isn't cute" Alfred shook his head and laughed. Kyle chuckled and leaned his forehead on Alfred's. "If I didn't know what is and isn't cute, I wouldn't even be here." The American blushed more and looked away slightly with a small grin, " Well I guess that is true.." Kyle smiled and started to place kisses all over Alfred's face, locking his arms behind the American's back so he couldn't escape the onslaught of kisses. Alfred giggled and wiggled around, " Hey! What are you doing?" He moved his face around a little, closing his eyes as he laughed at the ticklish feeling. 

"What, I can't kiss you?" Kyle laughed out but didn't stop kissing all over Alfred's face until he was satisfied with a small kiss to his boyfriend's lips. Alfred smiled and gave Kyle another peck on the lips before hugging him, " I love you" "I love you, too, my little koala bear." Kyle said into Alfred's soft, honey blonde hair and hugged him back with a smile. Alfred leaned up and kissed Kyle softly but soon tilted his head to kiss deeper. Kyle kissed back sweetly and gently caressed the small of Alfred's back, pouring all his love into the passionate kiss.

Alfred moaned softly and leaned against Kyle before wrapping his arms around his lover's neck, pulling him closer. Kyle licked Alfred's bottom lip, silently asking for entry to the well known territory of Alfred's mouth as he moved his hands to the bottom of Alfred's thighs and hoisted him up into the air. Alfred wrapped his legs around the Aussie's waist and held onto him tighter so he didn't fall. The Australian trailed kisses from the corner of Alfred's mouth to his ear and whispered, "How about we take this to the bedroom, mate?~" He made sure his accent stood out greatly, loving Alfred's reactions to it. Alfred blushed and nodded, even though it wasn't their first rodeo, he still got as embarrassed as the first time, "O-ok" Kyle chuckled and started to kiss and suck on Alfred's neck as they made their way to their bedroom to continue in the privacy of the comfortable bed. Alfred breathed out a small sigh as he tilted his head back, moaning at the pleasure he was receiving. When the two finally reached their bedroom door without anything falling or breaking, Kyle pushed open the door with his hip and shut it behind him with his foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muahahahaha have fun with your imaginations. But anyway, MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS!! Or Hanukah or what ever you celebrate during this season. This was really fun to write and Tsun and I almost died of the cuteness so many times I lost count XD, anyway, we do take suggestions so please give us some if you want to! See ya guys in the next update!


	4. Horror Movie Disaster

"KYLE, FUCK NO! I AM NOT WATCHING FUCKING KRAMPUS WITH YOU! YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY WITH THAT MOVIE OF EVILNESS!" Alfred screeched at his boyfriend who was trying to get him to watch the horror movie, Krampus. The American hated horror movies with a passion and pretty much the only way to get him to watch one was to trick him into it. 

"But Krampus is a real Christmas movie! Pleeaaasssee!" Kyle begged and made his best puppy dog eyes. " I will be right next to you the whole time!" Alfred turned away, trying his best to resist the puppy dog eyes Kyle was now sporting. "No! You know how I feel about horror movies!" Even though he hated horror movies, he loved horror games, which, in Kyle's eyes, made him a complete hypocrite. "B-But Alfie-" Kyle whimpered, trying to make his accent stand out more, " Alfie please? I really wanna watch it...." He buried his face in Alfred's shoulder. 

Alfred let out a strained noise at Kyle trying to use his accent to win him over. If the Aussie wanted to play the accent card, he'd fully well play it back using his deep southern accent. "Well darlin', I don't wanna. Now you and ya're sweet pea face can watch it yerself!" He said with a smirk, knowing that his accent also had quite the effect on the Australian.

It was at that moment, Kyle knew, he fucked up. He didn't think Alfred would have caught onto what the Australian was playing at and used it to his own advantage. Kyle took a soft breath before whining more, " Now come on, Alfie, we can watch it together and have fun!" 

"No. I ain't dealin' with that shit, so ya can go fuck yerself." Alfred said stubbornly, he just wouldn't budge when it came to horror movies. Kyle smirked, knowing how to turn the Americans words against him, "But Alfred, I already have you to do that~" 

Alfred blinked, processing his boyfriend's words before shoving him away with a very red face. "PERVERT!!" He screeched out and turned around to march away back to their shared room. Kyle laughed and grabbed Alfred into a hug before the American could get too far away, "Aww Alfred! I was just teasing! No need to get salty, that's Arthur's job." Alfred turned his head towards Kyle's and narrowed his eyes as his nose scrunched up. "Too bad, you know I get salty when you act perverted out of nowhere like that!" He said, his freckles getting more apparent the redder his face got. 

Kyle grinned and hugged him tighter, "You are just too cute! But anyways, I'm not going to let you go until you agree to watch the movie with me. " Alfred looked unamused. "Fine, I hope you're okay with bein' dragged around the house for the rest of the week." 

Kyle made a determined face and hugged Alfred tighter, "You will have to agree to watch it sometime, You can't just go around for the rest of your life with me clinging to you." The Aussie rested his head on Alfred's head and got prepared to be dragged around, even though Alfred was a smol bean, he was strong. Alfred rolled his eyes and easily walked forward, Kyle being dragged behind him as he went to the kitchen. "I hope you know that I'm gonna have to sit on your lap whenever I sit down right?" 

Kyle laughed, " I guess I'll just become an Australian chair from now on." He smiled and kissed Alfred's neck lightly. Alfred blushed a little as his neck was kissed but grinned. "The most comfy Australian chair ever created." He smirked as he leaned back against Kyle, almost putting his full weight on the Aussie to knock him down. 

Kyle smirked, "And don't forget the hottest!" He had to re adjust his standing position before he fell. That would have ended badly with Kyle hitting his head head on a table and then having Alfred be on top of him, using his dead weight to crush him. "Hmm, I don't know about that~" Alfred said teasingly with a smirk. "I've seen hotter~" Kyle scrunched his eyebrows together, "Wait what, who have you seen hotter than me? Was it that guy from the coffee shop? I knew he was hitting on you." The Australian hugged the American tighter, as if trying to hide him. Alfred chuckled. "Nah, I was thinking more of the dudes from the Calvin Klein commercials~" The Aussie frowned before glaring at the TV, " Do I need to start wearing fancy underwear too? I will if you want me to." He snuggled his face into Alfred's hair, still glaring at the TV as if it was the guy from the commercial. 

Alfred snorted and started laughing. "Dude, why are you so jealous of a commercial, I was just sayin' that to irk you!" He laughed out and his adorable dimples started to show. Kyle frowned more before smirking, "You know, that wasn't very nice, I think you need some punishment." He laughed evilly before slowly moving his fingers under Alfred's shirt to his ticklish sides. He started to move his fingers up and down, trying to tickle his boyfriend. 

Alfred's eyes widened and he started laughing hysterically while trying to beg Kyle to stop. "N-NO KY-YLE! S-STO-AHAHA-STOP! P-P-PLEASE! HAHAHAA!!" The Aussie grinned and tickled him more, "Not until you agree to watch the movie with me!" He held Alfred closer so he couldn't run away. "Y-YOU ASSHOLE!" He was squirming, trying to get out of Kyle's grasp desperately. "SH-SHIT! I'M GO-ONNA PEE-HEE!!" He managed to get out through his laughter. Kyle ignored him and kept tickling, " I'll stop when you agree to watch the movie with me~ c'mon, just a little agreement and I'll stop!" He smirked. Alfred was trying desperately to Kyle's hands away before he actually pissed himself, refusing to agree to the horror movie. 

Kyle was tempted to stop before his boyfriend peed his pants but decided to try one more time, " I'll give you one more chance, watch the movie with me and I'll stop." Alfred shook his head no, his face red with laughter as he continued to claw at Kyle's hands to get them away. The Australian sighed in defeat and stopped his tickling before the carpet got soiled," Fine, but I will get you to watch the movie with me if it's the last thing I do!" 

Alfred was panting as his laughter died down to giggling. "G-Good luck with that.." He said with a teasing look. Kyle smirked, " I won't need it." What was he saying? Of course he needed luck! The Aussie tried almost everything from begging to tickling! What else was there to do!? When Kyle begged Alfred for the 15th time the American threatened him with no sex for a month and that shut him up for a while, but he only shut up to try and figure out a plan to trick poor Alfred into watching it with him. 

After a while of deep thinking, a light bulb suddenly appeared above Kyles head, he would trick Alfred! Get the American to think he would watch an innocent Christmas movie instead of a horror one! Kyle grabbed one of Alfred's favorite Christmas movies of all time, The Nightmare Before Christmas and took out the CD before replacing it with the CD from Krampus. "Genius." The Australian thought and ran off to get Alfred and put up an act of defeat to trick him. 

"Hey, Alfred! Instead of watching Krampus, we can watch The Nightmare Before Christmas, since you are dead set on not watching Krampus. " The Australian inwardly smirked at his devious plan. Alfred looked over, a large smile plastered on his face as he darted towards the living room, screaming, "FUCK YEAH BOIII!!" 

Kyle laughed and jogged after his excited boyfriend, grinning at his plan, " Alright, are you ready?" He said as he held up the DVD. Alfred was bouncing on the couch and nodded eagerly. "I was BORN ready for TNBC!" The Australian laughed and put the DVD into the player before turning off the light and sitting by his boyfriend on the couch. "Alright, movie time." Kyle hugged Alfred close so he couldn't run and got comfortable. 

Alfred grinned and leaned against Kyle's chest and side. His smiled dropped when he saw the home screen of the movie and it was most definitely NOT The Nightmare Before Christmas, so he started struggling. But to no avail, it seemed that Kyle had an iron grip on him and wouldn't let go anytime soon. "KYLE YOU FUCKIN' ASS! I SAID NO KRAMPUS!!!" Kyle grinned and nuzzled Alfred's ear before laughing, " Aw c'mon, mate! I'll be here to protect you! Besides! It isn't that bad!" 

"Isn't that bad? ISN'T THAT BAD! IT'S A FUCKIN' HORROR MOVIE AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THOSE! ESPECIALLY THE CHRISTMAS ONES!" Alfred screeched and continued to struggle for about 5 minutes until he stopped, panting for breath. God, he needed to get back in shape... Kyle smiled before hugging Alfred more, "No need to get upset! I'll be right here and you can always hide your head in my chest if you get scared~" The Australian purred in his lovers ear. Alfred sent a nasty glare at Kyle out of the corner of his eye. "I will fucking murder you in your sleep Kyle Jacob Smith....." Kyle laughed nervously and smiled, "B-But if you do then who will cuddle with you and make you smile?..." The Aussie buried his face is Alfred's neck, trying to play cute.

"There's these things called dogs and puppies, and we frankly have 3. So, you won't be missed a bit." Alfred said with a deadpan expression, though he was joking. He could never get rid of Kyle, he loved the insane Aussie too much to actually hurt him. Kyle laughed a bit and replied with, " Oh come on! Those dogs may be cute but they can't do some things only I can~" He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. 

Alfred, being the densest little shit to ever exist didn't get what his boyfriend was getting at and just looked confused. "Like what?.." 

Kyle stared at Alfred as if he was wondering how clueless he could be, "You're kidding,right?" The Aussie just shook his head and smiled, " You are too cute." "Am not..." Alfred pouted, forgetting about the movie playing on the screen as he tried to decipher what Kyle meant by him being able to do something the dogs couldn't. Kyle laughed and patted Alfred's head, " Never mind, don't think too much, just watch the movie." 

Alfred nodded and turned his head back to the TV, almost immediately letting out a screech of terror and buried his face in Kyle's chest. He didn't care that he was most definitely going to be teased for this later, this shit was terrifying! He couldn't understand how Kyle could laugh during all the jumpscares and extremely brutal and detailed murders. Kyle laughed at his boyfriend's reaction but shifted slightly so they could both be more comfortable, "Don't worry, Alfie, I'm here." He ran his fingers through the Americans hair soothingly. 

Alfred just whimpered in fear and clutched Kyle's shirt tightly, jolting at every scream coming from the screen. This was also one of the reasons he hated horror movies, he was a complete and total pussy when it came to them. Kyle started to feel bad about making his love watch a movie he didn't want to watch, but it was funny watching him jump. " Oh Alfred, it's ok, it's just a movie, no need to fret." The Australian cooed slightly and rubbed his boyfriend's back. 

"Easy for you to say! You're like a brick wall when it comes to this stuff!" Alfred grumbled out at Kyle, unaware of the scariest jumpscare of the movie and Kyle's plan to scare him shitless during it. Kyle just smiled and waited for his chance to strike, sure it was mean but it was going to be funny as hell. I mean, Alfred did scream like a little girl at times. 

Alfred was about to make the worst mistake of the week as he turned his head just as the jumpscare happened. Just when he looked, Krampus came smashing down from the ceiling, covered in what looked like blood, but that wasn't all, all the sudden hands lightly grabbed his neck and a loud scream was heard by his ear. 

Alfred, instead of screaming and flailing around like a normal person, screamed absolute bloody murder and dashed from Kyle's arms after punching him in the face, along with elbowing him in the ribs, and bolted to the bathroom with a dark patch formed in front of his pants. Mind you, he was still screaming as he bolted away.

Kyle yelped and held his nose as a warm liquid started to leak out, "Crap, that backfired." Even though he was in pain, the insane Aussie still laughed and went to check on the scared American. When Alfred reached the nearest bathroom, he slammed the door open and closed, locking it before curling into a little, shaking ball that wet his pants. Alfred now wished that he went to his and Kyle's room so he could grab a new pair of pants and underwear while he was in there, but nope, his terrified mind decided that he needed the bathroom nearest to him. 

Kyle decided he would be nice and on his way to the bathroom he grabbed a pair of boxers for Alfred and made his way to the bathroom door. "Hey, Alfred, do ya think you could let me in?...Please? I'm bleeding all over, I also brought you some boxers" He wasn't expecting to get let in but it was worth the shot. Alfred glared at the door and cracked it open, snatching the boxers from Kyle and throwing out a first aid kit. "FUCK YOU!" 

Kyle pulled out some gauze bandages and held it too his nose, "Oh come on, Alfred! Please! I'm really sorry! I just couldn't help myself....please?" The Australian tried wiggling the door knob in hopes it would open. The door was unlocked since Alfred forgot to lock it again and unfortunately, he was just now pulling up the underwear, his ass facing the door so at least Alfred didn't have to be that embarrassed.

Kyle laughed slightly and closed the door as he walked in, " I'm really sorry, you know..." He wrapped the arm that wasn't holding the gauss around Alfred's waist and leaned his head on Alfred's shoulder, "Will you please forgive me?" Alfred let out an undignified squeak as he didn't realize Kyle walked in and slightly relaxed in his grip. ".....Maybe....but you have to do whatever I say for a whole day without complaint!" Kyle sighed but agreed," If it gets you to forgive me, I'll do anything." He leaned back and pulled the gauss away since his nose stopped bleeding and threw away the bloody bandage. "Well, since I said I'm sorry, could I have an 'it's ok now' kiss?" The Aussie grinned. 

Alfred looked over at Kyle with an unamused look. "Bitch, what do you think?" Kyle frowned but smiled again, "Yes?" He leaned his head towards Alfred's and stuck his lips out slightly. Alfred rolled his eyes and turned around to give Kyle the smallest of lip pecks and started to walk away. "There's your kiss. Be happy." 

Kyle laughed but before Alfred was too far out of reach he leaned over and smacks Alfred's butt," Oh c'mon! You can do better!" Alfred let out a yelp and turned around to glare at the smug looking Australian. "Tough shit. Suck it up buttercup." 

Kyle pouted but picked up Alfred and started to walk towards the couch, "Fine, but you have to cuddle with me instead~" Alfred sighed and laid limp as he was slung over Kyle's shoulder. "Fine, but you're turning off the damned movie..." Kyle frowned but let out a dramatic sigh of defeat, "Ffffiiinnneeee" He set Alfred on the couch and took the DVD out of the player and put it in the case. He plopped down onto the couch and pulled Alfred close to his chest. 

The pissed off American was grumbling but turned around to snuggle into Kyle's chest, just wanting to be held now, not caring that he was mad at the other anymore, he was warm.


	5. The Glowing Dick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God, I had too much fun writing this XD

Alfred smirked as he double checked his and Kyle's bedroom, making sure the other wasn't there while he pulled his prank, if you could even call it that. When he was sure Kyle wasn't around he quickly switched out their regular condoms with these special glow in the dark ones. Good god was he gonna get a kick out of this. Anyway, when he was done, he hid the other condoms deep in his sock drawer. Actually putting some of them in the socks while he started dying on the inside.

Kyle was walking towards the bedroom where he figured his boyfriend was at. He was on a mission, not just any mission, a special mission. He was out for some ass. After searching all the rooms, he finally found his boyfriend sitting on the bed. Kyle put on his infamous 'I want something' grin and walked towards the American. "Hey Alfred~ How ya doing?" The Aussie sat down on the bed next to his lover, still smirking, trying to act innocent.

Alfred looked over and laughed. "Okay, what do you want?" Kyle fained a 'confused' look. "What do ya mean Alfie? Do I have to want something whenever I sit next to you?" "No, but you have that 'I want something, give it to me now' look." Alfred said with a pointed look.

Kyle tilted his head, "Now when do I ever make such a face?" He put both hands out in front of him like you see a cat or dog do in cartoons. " Do I look like the type of person who would do that?" To add more affect, the Aussie stuck his lip out in a pathetic pout. "You hurt me deeply Alfie, I'm heartbroken." Kyle flopped down into his back dramatically and put an arm over his eyes and cried out, "I'm hurt!"

Alfred rolled his eyes and smirked as he pushed Kyle onto the bed and laid on him, using his deadweight since he wanted to be an asshole. "Don't say that unless you want me to flop Ky~" Alfred threatened, knowing that he could knock someone out or possible break something if he wasn't careful when he flopped on someone.

Kyle had to take a few breaths since the wind was knocked right out of him. He smirked anyways, "Oh look at you, Mr. Alpha, being all dominant like this." The Australian put his hands on Alfred's slightly pudgy waist and leaned up to kiss the short American.

Alfred rolled his eyes but kissed back anyway, not like he could resist anyhow. The kiss started out sweet and slow, but soon progressed to making out combined with ass grabbing and roaming hands. Alfred ran his hands across Kyle's chest and suddenly pulled away with a flushed but determined look. "I'm topping this time." With that he pinned Kyle's hands above the shocked brunette's head. 

Kyle blinked in surprise, it was usually always him topping but hey, a little change never hurt anyone. The Aussie smirked, "Well OK, I guess I can let you top just this once." He mocked. Alfred rolled his eyes and got up, grabbing a condom and slipping it on as he walked over to the door to turn the light off. After he got the condom on and the lights taken care of, he turned around with his fists in his hips. Kyle looked down and there Alfred's dick was in all its glory, but something was different. It was glowing.

Kyle had this mixture of shock, horror, and amusement on his face and Alfred just lost it. The blonde fell to the ground, laughing his ass off. Tears even came to his eyes as he clutched his stomach. "Y-YOUR FACE! HOLY SHIT, THIS WAS SO WORTH IT!" Alfred gasped out and Kyle's expression went from the mixture of shock, horror and amusement to a blank expression, trying to register what was happening.

After a few moments, Kyle realized what was going on and shook his head, chuckling slightly as he sat up. "This is why I don't let you top, you fucking dork." Kyle looked down at Alfred who was on the ground about to die from laughing. The Aussie smiled and sighed, "I don't know what possessed you to buy glowing condoms.." he looked back at the glowing dick, "But you should have bought hot pink ones instead of yellow." Kyle joked as the American finally started to catch his breath.

"Well, they actually had rainbow ones, but I didn't have enough cash on me~" Alfred joked back as he sat up, slightly panting from his laughing fit. "Also, I don't know why I bought them either. I was just at Spencer's and saw them." He grinned and climbed back on the bed. "I hid the regular ones so glowing dicks until you find them~"

Kyle raised an eyebrow and shook his head again, "I swear to god if I open the freezer to get some ice and there are condoms in the cubes, I'm kicking you out." The Australian knew Alfred, and if there was something he could do to fuck with people, he would do it. But even if there were ice condoms, he couldn't kick Alfred out for three reasons. Kyle loved the freckled teen too much to do so, it was the middle of winter, and the house was Alfred's anyways. 

"Aw man, why didn't I think of that!" Alfred exclaimed, cursing his stupidity. He could have gone over the top with this! But nooooo, he had to hide the condoms in his war zone of a sock drawer. He crawled on top of Kyle and nipped at his neck with a small giggle. "I love you though~"

~time skip over the smut because yours truly, Tsun, was too much of a pussy to write it~

Alfred and Kyle were cuddled up together under the warm blanket, still a little breathless from their activities. The snow storm outside had picked up sometime during the two's love making. Alfred ran his fingers through the Aussies soft, brunette hair as he started to fall asleep. The short American noticed the curtain was open and he glanced out the window and had too look back, thinking he saw a light. He was right, but it wasn't from the moon or a flash light, oh no. It was from a grill. Beside the grill was Matthew, Alfred's brother, in nothing but a red speedo. Matthews boyfriend, Gilbert, was also out there, but he was all bundled up in a thick coat, blanket, hat, gloves, and snow pants. The wind whipped around the two outside and Matt's hair was flying behind him and he looked kind of majestic, in a weird way. Matt suddenly snapped his head to look in the window and locked eyes with Alfred, who jumped slightly. The buff Canadian outside had a serious look on his face and mouthed, "Not this year, Bitch."


End file.
